Wednesday, 25 November 2009

See ya later, alligator!

Heya. It's been a crazy kind of day. It was so HOT. The traffic was horrendous, I was stuck in several jams. To add to the misery, my car air-con was blowing hot air. I was roasting like a potato until I got the aircon gas topped up.

Then I went into a cooking frenzy in the evening. Like a mummy bear stashing food away so the cubs don't go hungry, I made chicken curry, braised meat (lor bak), stewed vegetables (chap chye), spicy prawns and fried rice. I also roasted lots of chicken for Rusty. The fridge has enough food to feed an army.

It's 11pm and I've just finished packing. I should go to bed now or I'll be late for my flight to Hanoi. I'll blog when I return next week. Ta ta.

Blue skies

Our weather is indeed unpredictable. A freak downpour last week dumped so much water within 2 hours that Bukit Timah Road was flooded. Amongst the cars that were totally submerged in a basement carpark were a Ferrari and Porsche. Ouch.

Before Nigel arrived, I told him to brace himself for lots of rain.

"It has been pouring in England, so much so that a century-old bridge was washed away by flood waters!" he said.

Oh well, the tropical storms here are not dramatic enough. It's nothing compared to the continuous downpour he experienced in Mumbai last week. So I said, "You're in for some cool weather at this time of the year."

He laughed. 32 degree celcius is cool? Surely it can't be as cold as winter in England.

Strange enough, for the two days he's here, we're having blue skies. He walks from one end of the CBD to the other so he could bask in the sun. I totter alongside, suffering in silence and wishing I was in my sneakers instead of heels.

Thanks to my pigmented skin, I've turned quite sissy. I love the sun on my skin but whenever I look at my ravaged skin, I wished I had been more careful all these years. A freckled face is only cute on a young girl.

Anyhow, Nigel is leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow. Then he's off to Korea and Shanghai where it's bitterly cold. No wonder he's absorbing as much heat as he can while he is here.

Blue sky - Shot by CH this afternoon.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

So ungracious!

I drove to Hotel M to meet Nigel this afternoon. Two smartly dressed young men were waiting for the lift to bring them to the lobby. I quickened my pace when I saw the lift door opening. The two men entered and left without me even though they had seen me running.

How ungracious!

I took the next one and got to the lobby. Nigel was already there waiting. We exchanged greetings and then he ushered me to the cafe for a chat. Being a British gentleman, he waited for me to be seated, ordered the drinks and paid the bill.

When it was time to leave for our appointment in town, he opened the glass door, hailed a cab and waited for me to enter first. When we got in, I couldn't help but tell him about my encounter with the two ungracious men at the carpark.

"I thought men in Singapore are polite and friendly." Nigel said.

"Well, most of them are but don't expect them to open doors for women." I replied.

At this point, the cab driver chimed in, "If you were sexy and beautiful, I am sure the young men would have waited for you."

I swear I could hear Nigel's jaw drop.

I know I'm past my sell-by date but gosh, what an ungracious man!

Monday, 23 November 2009


For the benefit of friends who
(i) have no idea what a steamboat is
(ii) miss the steamboat because they are overseas (like Mother Hen)
(iii) are feeling hungry and thinking about food
(iv) are curious about what we ate...

I've posted some photos of our steamboat party on Saturday.

Fry, ST, Jo and hubby dunking things into the first steamboat.

Steamboat no. 2.

No kids and pet allowed near the boiling pots. Rusty bracing himself for another 'loving assault'.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Movie, steamboat and Run

It's funny when I think about it. When the kids were younger, I was the one sussing out good movies to bring them to. Then with their eyes peeled on the cinema screen, I would be catching my 40 winks.

The tide has turned of course. They no longer rely on me to bring them to the cinema. Instead, they tell me what I should watch.

"Are you going out on Friday? Then you must go watch 2012 with CH. The effects are good!", YK said.

Both the kids have already seen the movie with their friends, so the two oldies made our way to the cinema after dinner. We arrived ten minutes before screen time and found ourselves seated on the front row. After slumping in our seat for almost 3 hours, we got up with a backache.

The computer effects were more impressive than the storyline. Surprisingly, the show didn't move me in the way it should. The massive scale of destruction didn't instill any fear in me nor did I experience any heart stopping moments. And I must agree with YK that the finale was quite a let down.

On the other hand, I found the Avatar movie trailer very captivating. The storyline looks pretty exciting and the animation is fantastic.

We went straight home to sleep as I had an early day ahead. I wanted to be at the market early to get the freshest seafood for our steamboat dinner. The guests started trickling in at 3pm. Fry was the first to arrive, followed by CH, K@ye and ST.

Everyone brought some ingredients to contribute. By 6pm, we were dunking prawns, squid, sliced meat and all sorts of balls into the hotpot. I ate until there was no more room in my tummy. Still, that didn't stop me from eating dessert - my own home made apple crumble with vanilla ice cream.

It would be better if we had a bigger living room. Nine adults inside a small apartment can be quite a squeeze. It's time I makeover my patio so that it's more conducive for hosting garden parties.

I went to bed wondering if I could still run at the "Run for Hope" charity event to raise funds for the cancer society. Miraculously, CH and I found the 4km run such a breeze that we suspected they had marked the distance wrongly.

Anyway, the weekend is over and I have a busy week ahead. My principal is arriving from UK tomorrow and I have meetings lined up all week. When he flies out of Singapore on Friday, I will be jetting off to Hanoi with my girlfriends for a weekend of feasting.

I wonder what the dog and kids are going to eat when I am gone?

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Life is a journey

I like to think that I'm pretty quiet by nature because I can go for days without talking very much. Yet when I am in the company of people I can click with, I can chat and chat for hours.

That happened when I met Amy for breakfast this morning. Each time we meet, we just lose track of time and can't seem run out of things to say. She's witty and funny, and so much fun to be around with, I would be happy to stay and chat until sunset if I didn't have to go to work.

She had raised two beautiful daughters and is so good at dishing out nuggets of advice, she never fails to inspire me. I like to think of her as a mentor, and I aspire to be like her which is easier said than done of course. I have lots to learn from her.

When we first met at a talk (in February 2008) on her 127-day hike on the Appalachian Trail, I was moved by her courage and perseverance. I'm been reading her blog (Life is a Journey) ever since and yah, I want my life journey to be an adventurous and meaningful one like hers.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Which comes first?

I was chatting with the Chinese physician while mum was undergoing accupuncture treatment yesterday. The doctor said I seem to have a million things going on in my head. To put it simply, I looked harrassed. She cautioned me to slow down before I burn myself out.

"When you're so engrossed with getting things done, you forget that you're actually leading a stressful life."

In some ways, I agree with her. My day is packed with activities from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep again at night. If one thing goes wrong, it dominoes into the next and could potentially upset the rest of the day.

Given my personality, I want to get things done efficiently and quickly. I hate frittering my time away on frivolous things. When I return home to an untidy apartment, my stress level goes a notch higher. If I see unwashed dishes in the sink, I will wash them first before even putting my handbag away. If I have a dinner appointment, I will return home early to make dinner for the kids, and walk the dog first before I leave.

On the surface, I look calm and collected but I get anxious when things don't go according to plan. Getting caught in traffic is highly frustrating because I hate being late for my appointments. Sometimes I think I'm too hard on myself but that's just my nature.

Mum, who overheard everything the doctor said, started getting all anxious and worried. Guess who I inherited the genes from? For a start, she thinks I should get a live in maid to take over the housework.

"Let me make more money first.", I replied.

"Don't overwork yourself. Get a maid and then think of how to earn more money.", she advised.

Mum is wise and she's mostly right. I should spend precious time with the family and building the business instead of sweating the small stuff. I shouldn't neglect my own well-being. Without good health and mental clarity, how can I be a good mother and business owner?

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Too free

It's 7.30pm and I'm strangely free in my own home. The boys are out with their friends and there's no need to cook dinner (except Rusty's) or wash the dishes. I have no chores to do!

I'm not home alone you see. My brother's maid is staying with me for several days while they're away in Club Med. "Send her over and she can have a holiday at my house!", I said.

The thing is, this industrious little Filipina called Mel refuses to sit still. After I leave for work early in the morning, she starts cleaning, washing and ironing, I return to a sparkling home. Honestly I didn't know my house can be that clean! Not only that, she ironed all the clothes and organised our wardrobe until they resemble a department store.

She made me realise that I'm not that talented when it comes to doing housework. First of all, I avoid ironing at all costs because I suck at it. I can't even fold and stack clothes neatly and I can always find stray fur after I've vacuumed the floor. I can't seem to keep the dust out of my house or remove stains from furniture. Yet Mel has proven that nothing is too difficult for her.

My house is so tidy now that I'm considering employing a full time maid. The challenge is finding a place for her to sleep. Currently SK bunks in with me so that Mel can sleep on his bed. I want my bed back!

I must savour this domesticated bliss while it lasts. My brother is returning in two days and Mel will have to leave us. Then I'll be back to cleaning and scrubbing again.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Forever 15

At this time of the year, things are already are slowing down on the workfront. This is expected in the maritime industry which is known to be quite cyclical.

During the good years, my European associates would be escaping from the bitter cold to sunny places while I would be off exploring new destinations. Things are different this year of course. The big players in the shipping industry are still bleeding as I write, so the mood remains sombre. A small company like ours is more agile and less affected. Still, I'm holding back on frivolous spending until the industry recovers.

Having said that, I'm treating myself to a short holiday in Hanoi with my old school friends. They've called it the "Forever 15" reunion because we were good friends at 15.

We must have exchanged few hundred emails amongst us. ML, who is based in Hanoi, has been tasked to find out if there are any good tailors, leather shoes, delicious local food, famous French and Japanese restaurants, wholesale centres and tourists attractions.

She has painstakingly drawn up an itinerary to keep us occupied, fed and entertained for the five days in Hanoi. The highlight would be the birthday bash of course. ML's birthday is on 15 December while mine's on 15 September. Another friend's on 15th of March (I think), so we're having a big Forever 15 celebration.

At 15.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Loyalty doesn't pay

One of the reasons for the lack of posts is my horrible internet connection at home. For some reason, I'm always plagued with connectivity problems. It followed me from my parent's farm to my new home.

The problem started creeping in about two months ago. The connection was unstable. We had to reboot the router constantly to get connected. I called Pacnet (the internet service provider) and they blamed it on the phone line. The Singtel technicians came to check on the line and declared it was fine. I thought the router was faulty and got a new one. Still the problem persisted.

On Saturday, the longest we could stay connected was 3 minutes. YK was at a point of tearing his hair out. He had two projects to complete and I had a bunch of emails to send out.

"What kind of internet service is this?" He grumbled. "None of my friends have any problem using Starhub. By the way, no one has ever heard of PacNet!"

I tried to defend the service provider. It was one of the first ISPs in Singapore. I remember way back in the early 1990s, we were the early adopters of the internet, I had to bring the entire CPU to their office at Science Park so that their engineers could configure our system.

Despite the emergence of better technologies and competition, I have stayed loyal to Pacnet. My son probably suspects that I'm reluctant to change because I'm getting a special deal when in all honesty, I'm paying a premium to use their broadband service.

Last weekend, I decided to stop harrassing the technicians at PacNet. I walked into Starhub and signed up for their cable modem service which promises speed and stability. It only costs me $52 a month compared to the $200 I am currently paying!

Today, I wrote to PacNet to terminate my contract. As much as I would like to stay loyal to them, I just have to move with the times.

I think it's time I look at my mobile phone plan as well. Again, I have stayed with Singtel all my life and have never been tempted by attractive promotions offered by the competition.

When it comes to IT and telecommunications, we must constantly change to keep up.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Inspiring women

The last few days flew by in a blur. I spent the entire Friday attending a forum for women entrepreneurs. I always enjoy learning from successful businesswomen. Hearing them share their stories about how they overcame adversities to get to where they are today always inspires me.

Indeed the panel of speakers this year is well chosen. Most of them have succeeded in tough, male dominated industries like construction and used car sales. Many had a difficult childhood riddled with family violence or the sudden death of their father. Faced with siblings to feed, they assumed the role of big sister or caretaker from a tender age.

I can relate to some of their stories, especially that of one woman who had won many local awards. Her father died and left behind an ailing business when she was still in the university. Being the eldest child, she suddenly had a mother and brood (5 siblings) to care for. Everyone discouraged her from taking over the business. Yet, instead of looking at it as a burden, she turned it around and made it into a successful enterprise. Life was looking up and she married her sweetheart.

Sadly, he passed away and she became a single mum to three little boys. Someone asked her what made her decide to become a businesswoman? Here's what she said, "At that time, if I were to drop out of university and work for someone, I could bring home $1,800 but how could I feed my entire family of 7 with that salary?"

"Now I enjoy the flexibility as a business owner. When my kids need me to pick them up after their rugby sessions or other lessons, I could be there for them in a heartbeat. That would not be possible if I were a salaried worker."

Well, those were the same reasons why I went into business.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Bollywood party photos

The photos of the party are finally out! I'll let you salivate over the food..

Tandoori chicken in the foreground and basmati rice garnished with nuts and raisins in the background.

Toasting pappadum.

Chefs at work.

Applying bindi on the forehead.

Hamming for the camera.

With the birthday girl.

Do I look like a cocktail waitress pouring drinks for the guests?

Bev posing with her gift.

Hugs for the birthday girl. How I wish I could bring those expensive pots on the shelves home.

Bev examining the gift we all bought for her while Patricia is doing the 'Tada!" jig.

Look at what a night of booze can do to people.

Those pictures are not good?

Group photo is a must.

Suddenly the guests became reporters and videographers.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

All is well

For someone who loves to blog, I'm stumped that I have nothing new to blog about. For a start, I'm still alive and kicking. No more dizziness or ants crawling under the skin. It's just that I've been driving around the island doing delivery and meeting people.

I managed to meet best friend for lunch today. That poor girl is not only swamped with work, she suddenly found herself with new domestic chores to handle. Both her mum and mother-in-law are recuperating from surgeries, so she has to rush home after work to cook for the family.

I must say she's a real trooper. She takes all these extra duties in her stride but I know how hard it is on her. The fact that she wore her blouse the wrong way round today shows how overwhelmed she is. Her phone didn't stop ringing throughout lunch yet she didn't lose her cool. I would be barking at the caller if I were in her shoes.

Amidst all this madness, we managed to talk about our holiday plans for December. It'll likely be a beach holiday this time round, something the kids would enjoy. It's also a well deserved break for the adults. I can't wait.

Monday, 9 November 2009


I woke up feeling dizzy this morning. The feeling was weird, as if I had been drinking all night. I tried walking to the kitchen and bumped against the wall. It was frightening and bewildering. I felt unsteady, as if I was floating in air, and my stomach felt strangely empty.

I couldn't walk Rusty, how to drive him to the vet in the morning? I woke YK up and told him I was too dizzy to send him to school. Then I made my way back to the room.

As I laid in bed, I thought of my poor mum who has been suffering from dizziness for decades. Now I know what it must be like for her to be giddy all day long. No wonder she looks and feels unwell all the time. In the span of two hours, I moaned about it to anyone who cared to listen. But mum doesn't milk enough sympathy out of us because we're not the ones suffering.

I woke up an hour later, head heavy and feeling a little queasy. Maybe it had something to do with my tummy. I felt better after breakfast. It was when I could walk steadily again that I realised how we take little things in life for granted.

I didn't feel all that well today but I'm beginning to think that I'm made to go through these tests so that I can understand what my mother is going through. For the last two years, she had been complaining about an annoying sensation she describes as 'ants crawling under her facial skin' . Her doctor simply dismissed it as something not life threatening, so just live with it.

For some strange reason, I experienced that sensation one night. It was like an army of ants crawling under my cheek. I pinched and clawed my face like how mum would do it but it was futile. It suddenly stopped and all was well again.

Then it returned two nights later. I was lying in bed when the area around the nostril suddenly started to hurt. This time, it was like ants biting and tugging under my skin. I clutched my nose and started tearing. I reached for a painkiller immediately. It was horrible and I felt sorry that mum has to go through this pain on a regular basis.

Thank goodness those were the only attacks I've had. It's so mysterious that until now, I have no idea what brought them on. Whatever it is, I don't ever want to go through with it again. Now I know why mum is so determined to be completely well again, even if it means having a dozen needles stuck in her. Yes, I'm bringing her for accupunture again tomorrow.

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Bollywood party

Our friend Beverly constantly amazes me. When I first met her this year at Patricia & Hakim's wedding, I liked her instantly. We had many opportunities to meet after that, at picnics, dinners and birthday celebrations.

CH and I were invited to her birthday party last night. I'm beginning to think that she epitomises a true Scorpion. We've heard of how one can never really know a Scorpio; their feelings run deep underground to the very roots of their souls, and it would take a lifetime to figure Scorpios out.

Well, Bev is somewhat like that. Though she appears mellow and even nonchalant on the outside, I have learned that she has a good grasp of her strengths. She works as a graphic designer, yet she finds time to create beautiful jewelry and sells them on her blogshop. She is constantly learning or doing something new. From cooking classes to belly dancing and archery, she has done it all. Now she's into running.

She did a brilliant job yesterday. Instead of waiting around for friends to celebrate her birthday, she threw a stylish "Bollywood party" complete with Indian food and music. She couldn't have picked a more unique location. It was at Palate Sensations, a cooking school housed in a nostalgic Black & White Colonial Building surrounded by lush greenery.

We had the entire place to ourselves, from the impressive cooking studio to the dining room and alfresco areas. The food was prepared by Pooja Mohan, who has perfected the art of Northern Indian cuisine. The butter chicken and Aloo Gobi (cauliflower and potato) dishes were the best I've ever had. The food was truly heavenly!

Everyone came in their Bollywood best, especially the birthday girl who looked gorgeous. The ambience was relaxed and charming. There were lots of laughter and lively Indian music. We all had a great time. I would vote it 'party of the year'!

Patricia presenting Beverly with the birthday gift.

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Two performances

CH brought me to watch Ennio Marchetto last night and we had such a good laugh. Ennio is a living cartoon who impersonates celebrities and icons such as the Mona Lisa, Marilyn Monroe and even Lady GaGa! He is just so talented, we had a rocking good time!

This morning, we attended a Year End Concert at my nieces' school. It was fun watching the kids singing and prancing about on stage. Of course, I was very impressed with both their performance. They did a really good job.

Here they are, with their nanny, after the event.

When Ting saw her best friend, they ran into each other's arms and hugged tightly. Kids this age are simply adorable!

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Like grandpa?

While driving mum to the Chinese physician yesterday, we chatted in the car as usual. While she likes to tell me about the antics of my two little nieces, I simply can't stop telling her about my own kids. I think she's the only willing listener.

You know how mothers can spend all day gushing about their kid's accomplishments with their husband, I have none to discuss with, so I let it all out when I'm with mum.

I was telling her about how the teacher finds SK so endearing, mum replied, "SK is like your father. When we were in school together, your dad was the quiet and shy one in class. None of the girls talked to him but me. That's how he fell in love with me."

She went on to say, "I was surprised that behind his quiet facade, he was a man of ambition, someone who knew what he wanted in life. But he's easy going and well-liked by all his friends, just like SK."

Indeed. SK doesn't articulate very much but he often surprises me with his maturity. While he hasn't lost that child-like innocence, he often speaks about his plans when he grows up. This boy has ambition and is disciplined like his grandpa.

I have great respect for my father and hope my son grows up like him too.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Double birthday

Last night, we gathered at Satay Club at Lau Pa Sat to celebrate two birthdays. The plan was to meet at 9pm to celebrate Hakim's birthday (4th), eat and drink until past midnight so we could celebrate Graeme's birthday (5th Nov).

CH and I arrived early as usual, only to be greeted by a heavy downpour soonafter. We had to scramble indoors when the rain came down in buckets.

The rest of the gang trickled in slowly, after their Bollywood dance class, work and what nots. Thankfully the rain had stopped by then and we were back under the stars again.

I must say we were a mixed bunch. There were 2 Germans, one Aussie, one Kiwi, one American-born Chinese, two French, one Bangladeshi and 5 Singaporean Chinese amongst us. The food was very Asian - satay, samosa, rojak and smelly tofu, washed down with loads of Tiger beer.

I skipped the beer because I was driving. Once again, I was the first to leave the party because I had to get up early the next day. But I'll see them all again this Saturday to celebrate Bev's birthday. It's going to be a Bollywood party!

Graeme showing everyone his gift.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009


It's heartwarming to have friends, relatives and readers emailing me, ordering organ stickers for their children, grandchildren and even for themselves. It makes a great Christmas gift I must say.

I met up with another playschool today who is also interested. If more schools place orders, it'll be the best Christmas present for me and the kids.

The school holidays have already begun for SK but I've pretty much left him alone. He's old enough to plan his own activities though I think he would be happy to go to a beach resort like Club Med. I must admit I have been neglecting him lately.

Come to think of it, I haven't had a proper sit-down dinner with them for about a week now. They've been eating out lately and it's about time they eat some home-cooked food again. It doesn't help that I have a birthday dinner to attend tonight. I'll make them a proper dinner before I leave.

Even poor Rusty has been eating the same old thing, ie boiled chicken breast, all week. He needs some variety in his diet too. He chomps it all down because the medication makes him hungry. He was never that obliging before.

I have been eating poorly as well. When the kids are not back for dinner, I tend to eat very simply. I had two apples and a small slice of cheese last night, no wonder I woke up to a growling tummy at 3am.

I'm still hungry because I'm too lazy to go down to the canteen for lunch. I'll make myself a cup of oatmeal to stave off the hunger pangs. Then I'll go home and cook something nice.

Monday, 2 November 2009

The right move

Today I received the first order from a preschool for an educational kit that I developed for young children. It's a small order but I'm glad to receive some affirmation for this product. You see, this idea was brewing in my head for sometime but I thought it was too ridiculous to implement.

There are kids and even adults out there who do not know exactly where their organs are. Perhaps I should print organs on plain t-shirts so that kids can wear them? I mulled on the idea for sometime and got increasingly discouraged when I see the competition out there.

One day I asked YK, "Would you wear a t-shirt with lungs or kidney printed on it?"

"Of course! In fact, I would wear a different one every day of the week. Can you print for me immediately?"

I went back to the drawing board, feeling excited all over again. Since YK is going to be my walking advertisement, I got my designer friend to design a set of organs for me. She's an award-winning designer, so I couldn't wait to see the visuals.

True enough, the organs were adorable! With the set of beautiful organs in hand, the idea evolved into something even more interesting. Instead of printing on t-shirts, I decided to make them into stickers so kids can peel and paste on their t-shirts. Kids learn best when they're having fun.

When I heard my 2-year old niece exclaim excitedly,"Look, I'm wearing lungs!", I knew half the battle is won.

I got a bunch of kids to don t-shirts with organs. The parents loved the fact that the kids are having a great time and learning about the organs in their body.

We designed an activity card with bits of information about the organs. There's a diagram for the kids to paste organ stickers on. I chose a thicker card and laminated it on both sides for durability. I want a product that even very young kids can enjoy.

Even as I write, I've schools calling to enquire about this organ kit. They think it'll make a great learning kit for their little children. I'm glad I made the right move.

Jekyll and Hyde

It has been a busy day indeed. For the first time, I find myself juggling three different businesses in one day. It's exhausting but exciting. I was at the container yard in the morning, then I was buying vegetable seeds from the wholesaler around noon and sending my artworks for offset printing in the afternoon. And I was doing so many other errands in between.

By now, I've also realised I can be two different persons. During my high energy days, I conceive ideas and implement them in a heartbeat. Then on my low energy days, when my brain grinds to a standstill, I just want to lie in bed and sleep.

At this ripe old age, I have learned to manage my contrasting personality. So far, I've harnessed and put the surplus energy to good use. Most of my business ventures were implemented during these energetic phases. I've been known to re-landscape the entire yard in one weekend or travel to many new places within a short period of time. From running a half-marathon to learning how to sail, I just had to do something.

But on days when my energy level is down at the pits, I feel too lethargic to even sit up straight or keep my eyes open. I wouldn't bother to blog or even write an email. Thank goodness such days are few and far between. They come and go quickly, before I know it, I'm ready for action again.

I'm not feeling particularly energetic this week but I think I've set myself up for hectic days ahead. Due to my marketing effort, I've been fielding phonecalls and meeting new preschools to promote our products. The core business is also keeping me busy. Not forgetting, the handful of social events happening this week - 4 birthday celebrations!

I hope I'm not peanut-buttering myself.